IN MEMORY OF EVAN
Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. Word came to me this morning (Sunday, March 24, 2024)that my dear friend Evan is passing from this world after a long and courageous fight with cancer. Just yesterday, in the hospital, we had a wonderful day with him, his wife, some family and some friends. It has been clear for a while that Evan was nearing the end of his journey on this planet. Yet yesterday, after being moved into a room in the palliative care ward, he rallied one more time. We sat around telling stories, laughing, and his honest no filter wit was there, fully intact. We were making memories that have to last a lifetime. Stories that we will need to share and tell his grandchildren, whom he loved dearly.
It’s interesting. Evan and I met only about 10 years ago. In him I found a brother, and someone who was well read, thoughtful, loving to his beautiful Susan and their blended family of kids, and someone with a good heart. He and I shared a deep passion and knowledge of music and books. Evan was a great drummer. In more recent years he joined a band, and we would go and listen and dance and laugh, and this group of people (mostly in their 60’s) were rejuvenated — back in college just laughing and embracing life. Without a care in the world, except for what body parts hurt. Evan gave us that.
Although I know a lot of people, there are only a handful who I really enjoy engaging deeply with. With whom I can drink in deep thoughts and exchange a wide range of ideas, and have long wonderful conversations about life, music, politics, humanity and everything else. I lost one of those people when my Dad passed in 1997. I have now lost another, and it hurts deeply.
Yesterday, while we all sat laughing and crying in the hospital, Evan and I played music together for what we didn’t know would be the last time. He asked for some songs by Robert Palmer, and Spotify allowed me to call up that catalogue. One of the songs I played was “Every Kinda People”. Evan was propped up in a sitting position on his hospital bed, and he smiled, moved his hands like a drummer, and bobbed his head a little. It was awesome, and if you read the lyrics, you will find Evan in there. A song about people just people being. “Whether yellow, black or white, each and every man’s the same inside”. “You know that love’s the only goal that could bring a peace to any soul, ooh”.
While we sat in Evan’s room, one by one he asked us to sit in the hot seat, which was the recliner positioned in front of the window overlooking the Hudson River, and positioned directly at his feet which made it easy for him to look you in the eye. When you got into the seat, Evan thoughtfully, gracefully, and with warmth and a little bit of humor told you what you meant to him and why he loved you. Even before his illness, Evan would let you know how he felt about you. That is an important attribute. Tell people how you feel about them before either their funeral or yours, because then it’s too late.
When I sat in the hot seat, Evan spoke to me. He asked me to do a couple of things, and I promised him that I will do them. I will keep those promises. He also said that I was to have first dibs on his library. I was deeply honored by this because I know how much his books meant to him. As has become our custom over the last couple of years, when I stood up to leave the hot seat, I kissed him on the head. I kissed him on the head again later when my wife and I got up to leave his room for what would be the last time.
Thank you for coming into my life Evan. Thank you for our talks. Thank you for the lessons learned. Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for the music. Thank you for adding some wonderful fills to my life (a drumming reference). Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for the books. Thank you for your heart and curious brain. Thank you for being honest and sometimes caustic and inappropriate. In sum, thank you for being Evan. You will be with me for as long as I breathe. Don’t worry about Susan and the family, we will all be there to support them, and to love, hug, cry and laugh together. God speed Evan, thank you for being a part of my journey. Peace.
Here is the song lyric to Every Kinda People by Robert Palmer in full. Play the song in honor of Evan. It’s worth listening to and reflecting on.
Said the fight to make ends meet
Keeps a man up on his feet
Holding down his job
Trying to show he can’t be bought
Ooh, it takes every kinda people
To make what life’s about, yeah
Every kinda people
To make the world go ‘round
Someone’s looking for a lead
In his duty to a king or to a creed
Protecting what he feels is right
Fights against wrong with his life
There’s no profit in deceit
Honest men know that
Revenge does not taste sweet
Whether yellow, black, or white
Each and every man’s the same inside
Ooh, it takes every kinda people
To make what life’s about, yeah
It takes every kinda people
To make the world go ‘round
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
D-doo, doo, doo, doo, dum, dum, dum, ooh-ooh
You know that love’s the only goal
That could bring a peace to any soul, ooh
Hey, and every man’s the same
He wants the sunshine in his name
Ooh, it takes every kinda people
To make what life’s about, yeah
It takes every kinda people
To make the world go ‘round
Mmm, every kinda people
To make what life’s about
